My internalized fat phobia will never blame the body positivity movement. And here’s why.
Growing up, I was terrified of being fat.
People would tell me, “You need to lose weight now before you become obese.”
That word obese felt like a threat. Like I would literally be crossing into a territory I could never escape from.
The word just carries so much unnecessary shame.
I never wanted to be fat.
And I think that’s something we don’t say enough in plus-size spaces. Most of us didn’t grow up dreaming of being fat. That was never the goal.
But,
You’re here NOW.
You’re fat NOW.
This is the body you live in NOW.
And that does not mean you don’t deserve to love yourself.
Accepting Fat
I’m new to calling myself part of the body positivity/body liberation movement.
For a long time, I didn’t even want to admit I was advocating for myself. I avoided shopping at stores like Torrid, Lane Bryant, or even certain sections of department and retail stores because it felt like admitting I was fat.
And I didn’t want to accept that.
But the body positivity movement helped me.
It was never about celebrating obesity. It never disseminated that health doesn’t matter.
It was always about acceptance.
I had to accept that I am fat. That this is my body right now, and it deserves love and care.
What The Movement Actually Did for Me
When I realized I was fat and unhealthy, I decided I dug myself this hole and I deserved to rot in it. I was never going to find love, or a job that would want me, or clothes that I could wear out. I was too far gone, so now all I should do is accept my fate of being fat, lock myself in my room, not take care of my hygiene or health, and eat myself to death.
Who cares right? Once I’m fat, my life is over. I failed.
The body liberation movement changed that for me.
It showed me women who looked more like me.
Women who were beautiful.
Women who were living.
Women who were achieving the same goals I had.
Before that, every life I admired belonged to someone who didn’t share my body type. So the goals felt unattainable. It felt like I was trying to reach a future that I could never have anymore because I gave it all up when I consumed myself in my unhealthy habits.
But then I saw women who were fat and thriving.
And suddenly it did feel achievable.
It gave me a reason to keep pursuing my dreams because I could attain them. I didn’t have to rot in my room and eat myself to death. I could get up, feel pretty, leave the house, use public spaces, and get the job.
In fact it pushed me to go to the gym. It forced me to get off my lazy ass and respect myself more.
It was never: “Stay unhealthy.”
It was never: “Eat junk food and don’t care.”
It was never: “Being lazy is okay.”
The women I saw were cooking healthy homemade meals, traveling, building careers, dressing well, and living full lives.
I wasn’t seeing constant fast food glorification at all.
Maybe other people’s algorithms look different. I can’t speak to that.
But as a fat woman, what I saw helped me survive.
On Gabriella Lascano’s New York Time’s Opinion Piece
There’s been a lot of conversation about Gabriella Lascano’s opinion piece in The New York Times, “Confessions of a Former Body Positivity Influencer“.
I read the article and watched the video fully.
And I’ll be honest, I don’t feel educated enough to give a definitive take.
When I first heard about it, it was through other people’s opinions, most of which disagreed with her. So I wanted to see it for myself.
From what I understood through reading the article and listening to the video, Lascano’s main point was that losing weight should not mean you are fatphobic.
If you only watched the video, it seemed she felt enabled in her unhealthy habits and believed the body positivity movement contributed to that.
Personally, I don’t feel enabled by body positivity.
But that may have been her experience.
I saw the clips of extremely toxic sides of body positivity in the NYT opinion piece video. The ones where people say words like “fat” shouldn’t be used or that “obese” is offensive.
Or that intentional weight loss is fatphobic. (I personally disagree on that)
However, what scares me is how quickly people are ready to blame the entire body positivity movement.
That we’re all promoting something dangerous.
Meanwhile, thousands of videos exist of men and women publicly degrading fat people, rage-baiting, and saying the only “thick” women they like are 130 pounds.
Is that not harmful?
Her video has the right intention, just maybe not expressed in a way that others in the community might have done. The response video I watched explained it perfectly.
“What you’re really responding to is not what body positivity started out as, but what it has become.”
Body Positivity Was Never a Health Pass
When someone says body positivity or fat liberation, they are not saying you should be unhealthy.
It was never about that.
But people are twisting it and that’s not okay.
Just because I want to lose weight does not mean I am fatphobic. Gabriella, you are right about that.
I want to lose weight. I want to change MY habits and make healthier decisions than the ones I AM making. That is my choice.
I don’t feel my body is proportioned. I want to shape my body in a way that feels more aligned for me.
But that does not mean I stop loving myself in the meantime.
I do blame my personal choices. But I won’t blame the body liberation movement because they weren’t the ones who condoned it.
I’m Not Waiting Until I’m Skinny
I’m not going to wait until I’m smaller to enjoy my life.
That is what body positivity is about.
Don’t wait until you’re skinny to live.
Don’t wait until you’re skinny to wear the outfit.
Don’t wait until you’re skinny to travel.
Don’t wait until you’re skinny to find love.
Why is that pissing people off?
How does that condone unhealthy habits?
We’re not forcing anyone to eat a certain way or demanding approval.
We simply deserve recognition.
We simply deserve dignity.
We simply deserve respect.
And those are not things anyone should have to earn just by being less than 130lbs.
In Full Figure 
Leave a comment