When I first started to share my experiences being a plus-size woman, I was nervous that talking about discrimination can sometimes feel like I am complaining to people who would never understand or care. But I realize that even if I come across as bitter, these stories are important to share for not only me but for anyone who has ever been made to feel that their body is not acceptable in this world. 

This time, I wanted to bring a different voice. I sat down with Emily Burns, a sorority sister and fellow plus-size woman, to hear what she had to say about her experience. We’ve had many conversations together, but I didn’t truly understand what she went through until she shared her similar experiences as a plus-size woman.  

Emily’s experience with size discrimination began when she started dancing as a child. Emily started dance classes at age two. She joined competitive dance in 6th grade, dreaming of doing a lyrical solo by the 8th grade. Unfortunately, her dance instructor discouraged her and told her that lyrical dance wasn’t the best option. The judges would penalize her because of her size. 

“They recommended I switch to tap. I got lucky because, eventually, I fell in love with tap. But being told I couldn’t pursue my passion because of my body was honestly devastating. It made me fear that they were right; that my cellulite or my weight would always hold me back. I felt like I could never live up to the skinny standards.” 

This wasn’t Emily’s only experience with discrimination in a sport. She also played high school field hockey. She made the varsity team during middle school, but when she joined junior varsity in high school, she quickly realized that her size was going to set her apart. 

“I noticed that I was the only plus-size girl on the team. The other one got bumped because she couldn’t run a mile under 13 minutes, and since I could, I was able to make the team. We were picking out our uniforms in the locker room and getting situated. I only fit into one uniform because they only had one XL uniform; the rest were large, medium, and small. From that point on, I always understood that I was going to be the outlier because I had to look around for an XL. When I had to say it out loud, I was embarrassed because everyone already claimed a number during practice and scrimmages.” 

Emily’s struggles didn’t end with sports and dance. Shopping for clothes was an activity that she finds very hard as a plus-size person. On one Black Friday trip, Emily was excited to try on tops from the store Garage. If you’re plus-size, you already know that these boutique stores typically don’t carry anything over a large. You’ll be lucky to find an XL, but a 2XL is like looking for a four-leaf clover. 

“I’m going into this fitting room to try on five or six cute tops. I realized that the XLs didn’t fit. They felt more like a medium. The tops squeezed my arms, and you could see through the fabric. The straps were so thin that they looked like dental floss. I’m a B cup as a plus-size woman, and I still felt like I was going to break the shirt because it was so tight in the front. It made me feel like something was wrong with me because an XL didn’t fit my small chest and my arms when it should have.” 

When Emily returned the clothes, the employee who collected them asked if she liked anything. “I told her that I did, but then I handed her back all six items because none of them fit. She gave me this look, and I didn’t know what she was thinking. I think she was just confused, so I asked her if she had any larger sizes – bigger than XL. She said, ‘Oh no, we don’t have that here.’ That’s when I felt discriminated against because I thought, why didn’t they think they needed to stock up on that? I know it’s not her fault, but it’s weird because extra smalls are acceptable.” 

People don’t understand the weight of the words that they use and how much they impact people like Emily and me. My experience happened while I was shopping for a prom dress. I wasn’t really that big at the time. I remember barely fitting into one dress so, I asked the store manager if there was a bigger size. She told me that it’s going to cost extra because I would need more fabric, adding “we don’t have dresses for your size.”  

I was so used to these conversations that I didn’t think anything about them in the moment. But I was shopping with a friend who was also plus-size (and older than me). She noticed how disrespectful it was and told the saleswoman not to talk to me like that. I never would’ve realized how wrong it was until she spoke up for me.  

Aside from shopping, Emily also faced discrimination in her dating life. “I’ve been in a relationship where I’m self-conscious about my weight. I noticed that every time a “situationship” (an undefined relationship) didn’t work out, they then tried to find a way to hurt me by calling me fat. Being labeled as fat was something that had been taken with me. It was never that I was stupid, annoying, pale, have acne, cellulite, or anything. It was always: ‘You’re fat.’” 

The only time Emily could remember ever having the courage to stand up for herself in a relationship was when her ex tried to apologize and get back together. “I didn’t accept his apology because I knew I didn’t deserve to be called fat. I thought there would be this weight lifted off my shoulders, but there wasn’t.” 

Self-acceptance has brought Emily some peace. “I can promise that I have never felt more comfortable and confident in myself until after I accepted that I am a little bit bigger. When I realized that I wasn’t going to be losing weight, I made the choice to at least be a healthy plus-size woman. I began actively exercising, and I went to all my doctor appointments. I worked out five times a week and ate a balanced meal. I’m a healthy, big person that has their life together more than a skinny, unhealthy person.” 

Honestly, I agree! Way to go, Emily! This is what we plus-size people mean when we embrace who we are. But the world is taking too long to do the same. Until people realize that the world is not designed for those who are plus-size, they will never understand the internal struggles we have to face every single day.